Boys

I miss highschool boys. I knew great guys in highschool. I still talk to several of them. One is A, my intended. He doesn't count. I miss him like crazy, but I see him, and am reasonably certain of our relationship. (Which is to say, we never had a relationship, so there's nothing to...miss.)

Anyway, a college boy (I wish he was a man--he isn't) is going to ask me out, and I'm so reluctant that I've begun talking to the highschool boys again. BAD CHOICE. The thing is, as well as I might know this new guy, he isn't one of my highschool boys. I can't talk about things with him like I can with them (there are two of them.)
Except maybe I can and I just haven't.
And maybe I'm stressing about nothing. He didn't actually ask me out (like I thought he was going to.) Which is because I discouraged him. I brought out all my discouraging talents.
I regret it already.

I just don't want to go out on a date. I have no problem with the physical things, whatever, its not a big deal. I just don't want to have to sit across from him at dinner and have to make smalltalk, or go to a movie and have to choose between paying attention to him playing with my hands, etc. and watching the movie. And then who pays (and who has money for such activities anyway?) and who does what and what do I wear and...
More trouble than its worth.

Maybe.