Friends vs. Family

So here I have had this blog for months and months and prob. haven't ever mentioned my brother. He's 16, still lives with my parents, and wrestles. Thats pretty much all there is to him.

Tonight over dinner we (my fam) had an argument which boils down to my brother being a jerk.

My family always goes to my grandparents’ house in New Jersey for Christmas. This is for the simple reason that my family is Jewish, and we have never been especially inclined toward Chinese Food as a Christmas delicacy. So we go to my mother’s parents, who are Christian. Then we go to my father’s family for New Year’s.
My parents generally go to Boston or somewhere similar just the two of them for New Year’s, and I stay with my aunts. This is fine (not really) but this year my brother made a fuss about wanting to be at home (which he claims is about his having to wrestle) and so my family isn’t leaving for Christmas until the 23^rd (we’re driving) and they’re leaving on the 28^th.

Apparently these five days are a HUGE inconvenience for my brother, who complained so much (I really have no idea why, I quite enjoy Christmas with my grandparents, especially since if we weren’t there we wouldn’t be having Christmas as all, which he doesn’t seem really to understand) that my father had to scold him at the dinnertable about being a spoilt brat (which I have always known.)

My brother wants to stay at home because his friend is home from university. I know this because he just left to go see the friend. There’s supposed to be a HUGE snowstorm tonight, so my brother left home (like an insane person) to go see his friend.

He had been on the phone with the friend while I was in the room. Friend was coming home tonight (9pm) from university. It sounded like Friend didn’t really want to see my brother tonight, which made sense to me—I would much rather spend my first night home with my family instead of with my friends, no matter how good the friends were. I, like an idiot, mentioned this to my brother. His response: no, Friend was just messing around. ( I didn’t really believe this.) Friend wanted to see everyone. I obviously don’t understand this because his friends are his family and I clearly don’t have this relationship with anyone. Duh.

So apparently this is why my brother is so eager to get away from his family. Because he has friends instead. Duh.

Sorry for the long post, but that was just the background.

I have been wondering about what we mean when we say “family.” I use the term only for people to whom I am actually related, to whom I have common bonds and ancestry. Apparently unlike my brother, I like my family, and do my best to see them as often as possible. It isn’t ever a burden to see them. I miss them terribly and try not ever to hurt them. Since my moving out to go to university, my brother has spent almost no time at home with my parents, who seem to feel the empty nest rather acutely.

Now, I live with my friends. The ones I don’t live with I eat with, I cook with, I sleep with, and I love.

But I could never, ever even consider them as a replacement for my family.

I have a best friend now, for the first time since I was little. She lives in Vancouver. I miss her like crazy when we aren’t together, which is most of the time. I love her. But she isn’t family.

Even, I expect, when (if) I marry, I’m not convinced that the lucky gentleman will be as much family as my parents are.

My brother’s attitude clearly hurts my parents, and it hurts me. I guess I just can’t imagine being so self-absorbed that I would be able to do that.

He doesn’t even realize he’s doing it.